Alden Coleman is an anagram for Called No Name (waygroovy) wrote,
Alden Coleman is an anagram for Called No Name
waygroovy

Hello again, LJ, it's been a while.

1am rants are always fun, aren't they?

I'm at a point in life where we are hitting an overwhelming number of options. I'm currently working for the best company ever doing a job that I'm content at. Not happy, only content. It's a job that I can see myself doing for years and years, never really accomplishing anything of significance, and eventually retiring from.

MrsGroovy has finished college... 9 months ago. She hasn't yet had a full-time job in her field as a petroleum engineer.

We're heavily embedded in our local community: Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, Martial Arts, Church...

My commute is killing me slowly. 57 miles each way, 114 miles per day, 2 hours plus in my car every work day. About $14 in gas each day, plus mileage on the car. 60.8 cents per mile for maintenance, according to some report, so 27360 miles annually, about $0.75 per mile including gas and maintenance, or about $20,000.

It really hurts on the 12 hour shift days. I'm gaining weight. Never find time to make it to a gym, even though I've got an impressive enough gym in my home and at my office. When I do work out, my knee and hip feel like I've got an ice pick jabbed in there.

I have a hard time talking about my job problems these days. How can I complain about the best company in the world? Still, I see corporatization occurring daily, growing pains, and no matter where you are people are assholes and you still have to deal with assholes.

That, and I'm not truly happy there.

So I told myself for the last few years that I was going to force the issue this year and drag the family, kicking and screaming, to move closer to work. When I broke the news to the kids it went pretty well, all things considered. LilGroovy is all excited about getting a new bedroom to himself that he won't have to share with GroovyJr. WGGirl wants to have a big yard so she can design and build a roller coaster.

The house hunting started in earnest in February. We've spent days looking and looking for a house to buy. Pryor, Sapulpa, Verdigris, Inola, Choteau, Coweta... All about 30-20 minutes closer to work for me. None of the houses were MrsGroovy's dream house, and none of the communities felt like home. This one doesn't have an open floor plan, that one doesn't have 4 bedrooms, this one has a neighborhood association, that one is across the street from some shady looking trailer park.

So we started looking for land. $30,000 an acre? No decent internet connections.

During this time my Grandpa's cancer finally claimed his life. He lived an amazing 5 years after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The weeks leading up to his death were filled with listening to bickering between family members over things that really don't matter in the long run... Why can't family come together and simply celebrate the life of a loved one? Why do we so often clash and hurt and lash out at each other when in pain. My sister ... She's going through her own personal issues at this time. She had little to no visible sympathy for my Mom, who just lost her Dad. The man who worked for years and years, often away from home, only to die alone in a hospice bed at 2 am one cold Saturday morning.

And so where am I going with my life? What am I doing? Do I keep working a job that I'm not really happy at, driving for hours each day, only to find myself worn out and withered, bitter and alone... I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm physically in pain due to my weight and my knee.

I'm back in a holding pattern, waiting to see if MrsG gets a job. She has an unofficial offer in the air, with promises of a good written offer in the works. It's been 3 weeks since she last heard from them, 3 months since her on site interview. Everyone tells us that the hiring process for this company is slow, but this is infuriating.

So here I sit, 1am, typing out how I feel. Thinking about going back to college. At nearly 34. My oldest child starting high school the same time I'm thinking of starting college. I know that I cannot do family + work + college. I'll fail miserably at all three. I'm already barely scraping by with just family + work.

I'm exploring options and feeling out the future with a strange mixture of hope and dread.
Tags: rant
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